Like many people, I grew up and experienced traumas. We all do. It's because of those first traumas and the way we worked through them, whether being taught by someone, or figuring it out on our own, that shaped our habits for coping. A lot of the coping skills worked for me in a lot of ways. The perfectionism, the people-pleasing...they helped me get far.  It also came at a great cost. I forgot who I was...I’m not even sure I fully knew, but it wasn’t until I realized I had completely lost myself that I knew it needed to change. 

I'm by no means an expert, but I have been on an intense spiritual journey the last few years. The catalyst was losing my younger brother in 2017. That was and still is the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. I would not say that losing him was the cause of my rock bottom (in what I learned was codependency), but it did bring to light how bad things were for me. I was constantly in unhealthy relationships. I wanted it to stop. I wanted the pain to stop. And as I like to say, I went to ‘sit with the wolves’.

I started therapy with an amazing therapist. She spoke to me in a way that made sense. She was also so patient! It took me repeating the same cycles again and again and again until I could see the patterns emerge. She helped me work through all of the things I didn't understand, and most importantly, she never once judged me. 

I also went inside myself. I got curious. I wanted to know how I had come to get here. Why did I constantly keep repeating these patterns? I searched everywhere... I read articles, sought out others blogs, read books, listened to podcasts, anything I could to better understand how I had gotten here. I sat with myself in a way I never had. I picked up a meditation practice, and as I learned to quiet the mind, I was able to see myself clearly. 

That's really why I'm doing this blog and sharing my experiences. There were and still are so many people I have found along the way that were brave enough to share what they were going through. I could see how they navigated their own struggles and it offered insight into mine. 

Now that I'm on the other side, I want to do the same. I hope that by sharing my experiences here, maybe it can offer some comfort and insight to those that are seeking the way I was. We are all on our own paths and perhaps what you find here isn't what you need. Keep searching! The people that you need to connect and sit with are out there! If you have stopped here and found yourself relating to what I'm sharing, I hope you drop a comment and say hello! 

Wishing you love, patience, and courage as you navigate your own journey to your most authentic self!